**My first time ever making a graphic in Sketch. Believe it or not…took me hours. Learning as I go! 🙂
It all started when I was catching up with my friend, K. She was talking about her dating life and mentioned being interested in a guy. She said she wanted to ‘snatch’ him up as he had just moved to LA from NorCal. She wanted to snatch him…before he became a fuck boy.
Now what is a ‘fuck boy’ you might ask? Yes, as crude as it is, the term is definitely a thing. A new phrase for a kind of guy that has been around since the dawn of time. Here’s a comprehensive Urban Dictionary definition:
“Asshole boy who is into strictly sexual relationships; he will lead a girl on and let her down, then apologize only to ask for “pics” once the girl has welcomed him back into her trust. Boys like this will pretend to genuinely care about the girl but always fail to prove the supposed affection. He almost never makes plans because he has to hangout on his terms which could be the most whimsical of times, and if the girl rejects those plans because she has a legitimate reason for not being able to hang out, he will get pissed. However, if plans are made he will bail on them without a second thought. If a girl tries to stand up to this asshole he will most likely deny everything and turn it all around on the girl making it seem as though the conflict at stake is her fault and he has done nothing wrong and hates when girls bitch at him for “no reason.” He will always come crawling back because he is a horny prick and can not withstand the dispossession of one of his baes, because he has more than one that’s for sure. Texting such a boy will consist of the girl carrying the conversation and the guy responding with short answers 10 or more minutes after the girl’s response, but when she asks why he takes so long to answer it will be because he is “busy” but he promises he likes her. Boys like this are egotistical assholes who can not be trusted and are hard to get rid of because they say all the right things to get the girl back.”
Apparently LA as a culture has a nasty habit of turning nice, sweet guys into terrible human beings as described above. Not saying that this is true of everyone, but this is kind of well known thing in the city.
I had mentioned this whole LA turns guys into ‘fuck boys’ thing to one of my male coworkers and he flipped the tables. He said that girls were just as bad, but in other ways. And I asked how? We took a moment to contemplate and I thought of another story of a friend that completely shut down a guy by ignoring all his messages, phone calls, etc. She ghosted him. And there it was. The female equivalent to ‘fuck boy’ is ‘ghost girl’. Let’s break it down.
What is ghosting? Urban Dictionary says:
“The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject’s maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.”
Now it’s not to say that guys can’t also ghost people and that girls can’t be the actual equivalent of fuck boys, because they totally can. But I’ve not really heard the term ‘fuck girl’, so I’m just working off the colloquialisms that are used in my space of the world.
But why do we have ‘fuck boys’ and ‘ghost girls’?
All I’ve heard is that dating in LA is hard and since I don’t have first person experience, I’m living vicariously through the people around me. And these two types of people are apparently very abundant on the LA dating scene.
As a girl, I have better insight into why girls ghost others. Girls are, mostly, non-confrontational. It’s much easier, per the definition above, to just not respond. Actually saying the words that should be said such as “It’s not working” or “I think we should stop talking” or “I’m not interested” are a hard task. Unfortunately, I don’t know any ‘fuck girls’ (I think?!) and can’t speak on that side of things.
Have you ever been ghosted by someone or met a ‘fuck boy’? What are your thoughts on these terms? Do they have any validity in your life? If y’alls have any insight into why ‘fuck boys’ exist and why ‘ghosting’ is such a commonplace thing, holla at me in the comments!